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The Whole Nine Yards

by Eugene Tooms

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1.
Monday Fury 06:08
I bless every morning For it’s a wonderful life Black coffee and Cheerios Then a kiss to my wife See, I love me some guitars and I love them loud too I should play them all the time But that’s not what I do I’m a chairborne warrior With an adjustable chair I even got double monitors and the latest software See, I love me some guitars and I love them loud too I should play them all the time But that’s not what I do I just gotta fit in Barbecues and friends A hybrid on my name
2.
It ain’t just another disaster Hundred thousand pounds of death with no name Sealed by a peculiar pastor He ain’t here to do it again So we’ve pulled out the big guns, Hit ’em high, hit ’em high, hit ’em low Let’s hit all the war drums Don’t tell me this is all our ammo The ends of the Earth, the end of it all Is it the way that it all gonna happen? (The ends of the earth, the end of it all) It ain’t just another destroyer It came down with the wrath of a God Set the codes to the nuclear launcher All units get your sunglasses on Now we’ve pulled out the big guns Got ’em high, got ’em high, got ’em low You’ll thank us when the time comes Till then enjoy your Bikini snow The ends of the Earth, the end of it all Is it the way that it all gonna happen? (The ends of the earth, the end of it all)
3.
The Storm 04:11
The Blueman’s curse It blackens the eye Cradle the whole nine yards, gotta let them sparrows fly Old man Poe Is that what you ride? Got a great big white in your tail, seems more than happy to oblige You gotta call 91-77-08 Name, home address and mental state You gotta call 91-77-08 The sky turns red It narrows the mind Black bolts of light in the sky, but it’s fine, let’s call it a night You gotta call 91-77-08 Name, home address and mental state You gotta call 91-77-08 The hands been dealt with and if we’re going down Seagulls laughin ’cuz they’re safe and sound The tides are turnin’ and we’re lost to be found We’re all sinkin’ and we won’t come around
4.
Aunt Steve's 04:09
A priest and a nun walked into a pub And they sat on the stools at the bar Black Tooth Tom who was hot on the run Well he stood up and spat in a jar He walked to the two, “Man what he's gonna do” Thought Misty “the widow” McKay He took off his hat and cleared his throat And he had the following to say: ’Scuse me Father… Evenin’ ma’am I’d like a confession to make See I’m a bad man If you could forgive all my sins Before all these folks Right here at Aunt Steve’s The priest told Tom: “Well, this ain’t a church son Won’t you come back tomorrow instead?” “Father, I fear by the time I’d be there I might have my head high on a spear” “Come outta there Tom!” yelled the sheriff of town He was 60 and hard as a stone Black Tooth smiled, well he almost got out Though he longed for a final shootout ’Scuse me Father… forgive me ma’am I won’t have a confession at all ’Cuz I’m a bad man You could never forgive all my sins ’Cuz Imma kill these folks Right here at Aunt Steve’s Gunshots! A hat drops (The lawman was dead, and he hit the ground) Gunshots Oh God! (Everyone froze, no one made a sound) The priest just stared As Black Tom left He was the last man standing He was heading southwest “White men…” said a native “Have too many chiefs But not here at Aunt Steve’s”
5.
Cause of death was a stab wound And there’s blood on the snow The body’s missin’ a toe It was a curious case alright No match on DNA Or prints or dental So it’s a John Doe We figured it out later that night Late night in the park Out here in the dark (To) get away with a murder Ain’t no hard you cover all your tracks, get a flashlight Back in D.C. there was a case like this five or six years ago The toe collector has returned They ran the usual suspects, without any luck All of us were quite concerned Turn on the loudest sirens! Dispatch, come in yeah! By now, he’s probably lost in the wind We’ll never find a next of kin Only one thing bugs me though In my pocket, there was a toe Turn on the loudest sirens! Dispatch, come in yeah!
6.
Wolves 04:05
He rolls out on his four by fours Out in the woods he tames wolves He got the call and now he’s on his way He will save the pack by the end of the day The Father of Wolves! As they run through the forest As they march through the hills They tremble the woods And you’ll kneel at their feet Alpha has led them, he may saw it too The rise of the lumberjack woodchopper crew So keep your fangs at a distance Gotta be sharp when we finally unleash Keep yourselves at a distance Gotta be sharp when we finally unleash

credits

released August 23, 2019

All songs written and performed by Eugene Tooms
Recorded, mixed & mastered by Sohajda Péter
Artwork by Karai Klaudia
©℗ 2019 Eugene Tooms

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Eugene Tooms Budapest, Hungary

Eugene Tooms is a three piece fuzz rock band from Budapest, Hungary. Combining the influences of Clutch, Queens of the Stone Age, Red Fang, 1000mods, and others, the band strives to create a unique sound of their own, balancing between feel-good and hard hitting riffing, and occasional psychedelia. ... more

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